Artist Statement:

This piece was inspired by research conducted of the cavefish or Mexican Tetra (Astyanax mexicanus) and their adapted conditions. The difference between the surface form and cave form was the main inspiration, I personally related it to my mental health history. I’ve lived with borderline personality disorder all my life and have recently decided to research this disorder in the fullest, to understand and find ways to make it a positive. Borderline personality disorder is always characterized to be very “black and white” thinking. Views that are considered extreme such as all-or-nothing, good or bad, a strict yes/no. The cavefish has adapted to a physical black and white. The piece, is a very literal black and white statement, related to the borderline thinking.

Researching the cavefish for the piece, finding reference pictures, color testing, researching the fish themselves, etc. Researching the cavefish gave me a symbolic sense of hope that, I too, can adapt to conditions and circumstances I’ve been given, while still retaining the properties that make me who I am, whether positive or negative. Borderline for me, personally, has always come with an obsessive tendency as well, which has been a negative and positive trait.

The X or cross patterns used in my piece represent that obsessive, repetitive aspect. A visual of checking boxes, lists, ticking things off, our personal obsessions, etc. with which a lot of neurodivergent people can identify. Repetition has always been a visual I’ve used to show that obsessive trait, the habits I’ve formed, etc. Screen-printing and stenciling has been my favorite method, because it gives a repetitive aspect physically and visually, it's a very mechanical feeling. Sometimes that visual is intentional, sometimes it’s unintentional when I’ve created that repetitive/obsessive visual.

The obsessive trait, has come in as a positive in certain aspects, it helps me fully immerse myself into a subject, more than the average person. It consumes me. That’s when it can become a negative as well. The sciences and arts are related, in the sense that you can get consumed in your work, whether it’s in a healthy or unhealthy manner.